Always Read the Fine Print
by ShiTiger
Summary: (Victor & Valentino fic) Victor and Valentino challenge the maze of death (pilot episode) again. Only this time, they're both adults, and Victor makes a wager with Mic. If they lose, they become servants to the gods of the underworld. If they win, they get free access to the underworld. (Victor x Mic, Valentino x Hun)


**Always Read the Fine Print**

Note: This is a little one-shot story that I decided to finish up.

* * *

"You'll never escape the maze," the skeleton taunted, grinning down at the human brothers. "You barely escaped when you were children."

"And what if we do?" Victor snapped back, glaring at him.

"You won't," Mic insisted, rolling his eyes at the audacity of the young human. "This won't be the same as before. You're both adults now, so there are no _'Get out of maze free'_ cards. When you fail, you will die! AND we will make you our servants," the god added, grinning.

"Okay," the younger brother agreed, earning a cry of shock from Valentino. "I got this, Val. Trust me." Smirking up at the skeleton twins, Victor announced, "If we win, we get to come down to the underworld whenever we want. AND you have to let us live at your temple whenever we visit."

"You're willing to become our servants if you win?" Mic asked, surprise evident on his pale face.

"No – No. That is not what I'm saying. You have to let us stay at your temple without being servants. If we win, there will be no punishments allowed." Victor placed his hands on his hips, triumphantly.

The skeleton twins exchanged a glance, clearly shaken at the prospect.

"Vic, what are you doing?" Valentino hissed under his breath.

"Backing them into a corner. Think about it, Val. We escaped once, and we'll do it again. And then the little twerps won't be able to stop us from hanging out in the underworld."

"So, let me get this straight."

The young men leapt back as the lighter twin appeared in front of them.

"If we win, and you fail to complete the maze by the time the death clock tolls, then you will be trapped in the underworld as our servants — FOREVER," Mic announced, his voice deepening to a deadly caress. "But if you win, all you want is to be able to freely visit the underworld, and live in our temple _without _being our servants. Is this correct?"

"Yeah, that's right," Victor insisted, glaring at the skeleton floating before him.

"Well then, I believe we have a deal. Let's shake on it," Mic said, holding out a flaming hand.

"Yeah, sure," the younger brother said, grabbing his opponent's hand without delay.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Valentino whispered. There was a strange glint in Mic's eye sockets, like he'd already won the game. Either they wouldn't make it out of the maze, or the gods had something worse in store for them if they did. He really didn't like their odds.

"Gooooood lucccckkkk," Hun crooned, his smirk directed at Valentino. It was enough to send a shiver down the brunette's back.

"We are so going to die," Val groaned.

* * *

"We won!"

"So you did. Congratulations," Mic purred, snapping his fingertips. The young humans were instantly transported to the bone temple, crashing to the ground at the bottom of a staircase. At the top of the staircase were twin thrones crafted from human bones. An instant later, the skeleton brothers appeared at the top of the stairs, grinning down at them.

"What gives? You're going back on your word!" Victor yelled, struggling to his feet with a glare aimed directly at the lighter twin.

"Don't be foolish. We shook on it. A deal is a deal. Once the ceremony is complete, you will be free to visit our realm at your leisure," Mic announced, pacing in front of the thrones.

"What ceremony?" Valentino asked hesitantly, rising to his feet.

The bone brothers glanced at each other, then begin to laugh as green fire surged around their child-sized bodies. The human men covered their eyes, wincing at the light. The fire flickered away, leaving behind two human-like men in its wake. One had pale skin, and the other's ebony skin had a purple sheen.

Mic grinned down at the men below. "Why, our wedding ceremony, of course! Aren't you excited, Hun?"

"Uh huh!" the darker twin agreed.

"And keeping with tradition…" said Mic, snapping his fingers again. Tables of food appeared around the temple: baskets filled with corn tamales, churros, and even a bowl on each table containing the head and drumstick of a turkey.

"Our wedding ceremony?" Valentino said, hunching in on himself. As he spoke, the torches around the temple burst to life, each lit with green flames.

"That wasn't part of the deal!" Victor shouted, storming toward the staircase to give the gods a piece of his mind. A green flame appeared in his path, forcing him to halt as Mic's new human form appeared before him.

Green eyes glinting with dark amusement, the god leaned closer, his pale blond hair pulled back into a loose ponytail behind his head. "You insisted upon living in our temple freely. You should have considered what that meant. The only other beings to reside in our temple are our servants… or our spouses. After all, we can't harm you or force you to do anything once we are wed."

"Uh huh," Hun agreed, appearing next to Valentino. The dark skinned twin took the brunette's arm, and leaned up to rub their noses together.

"Oh, um… hi." Valentino blushed bright red as the slimmer man cuddled up to him.

"And by the way…we haven't forgotten the first promise you made to us all those years ago," Mic purred, leaning into Victor's personal space.

"What promise?" the lanky man asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Why, to cook for us for eternity, of course!" Mic announced, spreading his arms wide. "Infinity tacos."

"That was when we were kids," Valentino argued, his gaze narrowing on the lighter twin. A glance to the side revealed Hun still clinging to his arm, and he didn't have the heart to push him away.

"No take backs. Isn't this great, Hun. And we didn't even have to court them," Mic laughed. "Now, let's get this ceremony started!"

"Does Chata know you're getting married?" Uncle el Toro asked, glancing down at his nephews standing next to him. Before them, an ancient alter was rising from the floor under Hun and Mic's combined power.

"We didn't even know we were getting married," Victor grumbled back, arms still crossed in annoyance over his chest. Moments before, Mic had snapped his fingers to change the human brothers into long, white tunics. Victor's outfit was embroidered along the edges with blue, and Val's with orange – their favorite colors.

"I keep telling you not to make bets with my bosses, boys," Achi said, peeking down at them from his perch on el Toro's broad shoulder. "But I suppose you'll both be my bosses, too, once you're married to the bone brothers."

Valentino glanced over his shoulder, watching the skeleton people pour into the temple. Long aisles of church-like seating pews had appeared the moment the doors had opened. The entire city seemed to be dressed up, and excited for the event. "I wish Grandma were here."

"You doooo?" Hun was suddenly standing right in front of Valentino, his head tilted lightly to the side in confusion.

"Well, yeah. She's our grandma." A ghost of a smile made its way onto the hefty man's lips. "I always pictured her at my wedding. Of course, I didn't know I'd be getting married before was even 21, but… well…"

"I didn't spend my time planning my wedding," Victor scoffed loudly. "I still have plans to become a world famous wrestler. When that happens, all the pretty girls and guys will be throwing themselves at me. Why get married when I could just pick any one of them to…"

A pale hand gripped the front of his tunic tightly, yanking him forward to meet Mic's furious glare. "Oh, we're getting married. You made the deal, so now you have to live with the consequences. And if I EVER hear that you've been sleeping around without my permission, I will…"

"Lord Mic, I'm sure Victor wasn't serious," el Toro tried to reason, raising his giant, skeleton hands in a pacifying gesture.

"We haven't even kissed yet, and you're already dictating my life," Victor argued, glaring right back at the slightly shorter man.

"Which is my right as your future husband," Mic insisted, releasing him.

"I'll be your husband, too, jerk!"

"Actually…" Mic purred, appearing far too pleased with himself. "You and Valentino will be our consorts. You're only mortal, after all. And, when you finally kick the bucket, as you humans like to put it, you'll spend all of eternity here - with us."

"Miiiiicccc," said Hun, touching his brother's fleshy hand. "Grandddddmotherrrrr Chaaaaatttaaa."

"Fine. I suppose we can invite one mortal to the ceremony," Mic sighed. "Together now, on the count of 3." The bone brothers snapped their fingers at the same time, and a green flame burst to life behind Victor and Valentino.

"What is going on here?" a familiar voice demanded to know, even as the flames around Chata's body diminished. She glanced around the room, squinting through her glasses in an attempt to get her bearings.

"Grandma!" Both brothers turned, rushing to embrace her tightly.

"My boys," the woman sighed softly, pulling them close, despite the fact that they were taller than her now. "What kind of trouble have you gotten into now?"

"Chata?" El Toro stepped forward, wringing his hands together awkwardly in front of him.

"Brother?" Chata released her hold on her grandsons, and stepped forward. Her cane dropped to the ground as she reached out to clutch the larger man's bony cheeks. "Ah, mi hermano. It has been too long."

"It has been quite some time, hasn't it, little sister." El Toro hugged the little woman close, smiling at his nephews over her shoulder.

"Awww," Valentino couldn't help saying, clasping his hands together.

"Now that this family reunion has been established, we can get on with the wedding ceremony," Mic announced, stepping forward.

"Wedding ceremony?" Chata pulled back from her brother. She turned to face Victor and Valentino, waiting for an answer.

"Uh, yeah… so, we might have made a deal that kinda… backfired on us," Victor tried to explain, lowering his head at her disapproving frown.

"We had to face the maze of death – because Victor ended up getting us trapped in there again," Valentino explained, shooting his brother a frown of his own. "If we lost, we would become servants in the underworld, but if we won… well, Victor wanted us to have free access to the underworld, and to be able to live at the bone brothers' temple without being servants."

"The good news is that we totally WON, but now they're insisting on marrying us," Victor said, waving a hand at the two skeletons in human form standing a few feet away.

"Ay ya ya," Chata sighed, shaking her head. "You two made a deal with gods. There is no going back on such a deal. However, I shall have a small chat with your future husbands, to ensure they treat you boys right."

The little woman didn't even pick up her cane. She simply made her way up the walkway, and stood before the human-formed men, now dressed in formal tunics themselves.

Victor and Val couldn't hear what she was saying, but the twins' faces were quickly becoming more horrified as she spoke to them. They glanced at Victor and Valentino, before exchanging a nervous look with each other.

"We didn't know they were YOUR nephews," Mic's voice carried down to the group.

"Well, now you do. I expect you to treat my boys with the respect they deserve. I won't allow you to toss them away out of boredom," Chata retorted, poking Mic in the chest.

Victor watched as Mic's eyes widened at her audacity, but the lighter twin only nodded his head, grumbling something under his breath. Geez, their grandmother really could frighten anyone.

"Now then, shall we begin this lovely ceremony? I always dreamed of seeing my Victor and Valentino get married," Chata sighed, slowly walking back down the aisle to stand at Val's left side. With el Toro on the right, the family made their way forward until they were standing before Mic and Hun.

Clearing his throat, Mic gestured to the assembly. "It is time to begin!"

* * *

It was quite early in the morning, according to Monte Macabre time, when the party finally waned. The skeleton guests flowed out of the temple to make their way back to the city - many tipsy from the free pulque.

Chata had gathered her grandsons close to hug them goodbye, and to make them promise to visit as often as possible – along with their new husbands. She'd then proceeded to hug the human-formed gods, and pinch their fleshy cheeks, before saying her final goodbyes to her brother. With a wave, she disappeared in a flash of green flame as Mic sent her back to Monte Macabre.

El Toro said his goodbyes to his nephews, still clearly nervous at being around the bone brothers, despite the fact that they were now family. With a wave, he made his way out of the hall, jumping slightly as the doors slammed shut behind him. It was only then that he noticed that Achi was still riding on his shoulder.

"Aren't you going to stay here?" the wrestler asked, gesturing back at the doors.

"Nah. I think they'll be needing some time to themselves. Wouldn't want to interrupt the honeymoon."

"Well, that was fun. You can go to your rooms now," Mic announced, waving a hand at Victor and Valentino dismissively. With a flash of green flame, flesh melted away to reveal two adult-sized skeletons in their regular outfits.

"Wait, what? I thought it was our wedding night," Victor said, frowning down at his slightly shorter nemesis… er, husband.

"It is. But unlike you two, Hun and I don't have to sleep," Mic stated calmly.

"Not veeeeery offfften," Hun added. The lighter twin threw him a look that clearly said he wasn't happy at having that little tidbit revealed.

"And we certainly aren't going to do any weird intimate stuff. We're skeletons, after all," said Mic.

"All that trouble to marry us, and you're staying you don't want any of this?" Victor gestured to his body with a grin.

Mic rolled his eyes in response. "Oh please, we're not…"

"Sofffffft!"

Mic and Victor glanced over to see Hun nuzzling his bony face against Val's pudgy shoulder. The larger man was blushing at the attention, but not attempting to move away.

"Hun, that's very inappropriate. They're still human, after all."

"So, you're saying if we were skeletons, you'd totally make out with us?" Victor asked, leaning close enough to Mic to kiss him if he wanted to.

"Skeletons don't _'make out,_'" the lighter twin argued, refusing to move from his spot.

"You don't want me sleeping around with other people, but you won't even offer to take care of my needs. That's cold," Victor sighed, wrapping his arms around the skeleton's pale shoulders.

"HEY!" Mic snapped, before fleshy lips pressed against his bony mouth.

"You know, this would be way more fun if you had a tongue or lips or…" Victor pulled back, noting a certain something he'd never noticed before. "Oh, you DO have a tongue."

"That's enough!" Mic pushed the taller man away, and took a step back, unconsciously crossing his arms over his chest.

"What's that green, glowing thing in your chest?" Victor asked curiously, pointing at it.

"Sooooouuuuullll," Hun crooned, clanking his bony mouth against Val's cheek.

"HUN! Stop telling them these things! Arrggghhh! I can't deal with you two anymore today. You're going back to the human world." Mic raised his hand, ready to snap his fingers.

"But we can visit whenever we want to now that we're married," Victor said, grinning cheerfully. "By the way, your human form was hot." The dark haired man darted forward to press a last kiss to Mic's cheek before the skeleton's fingers snapped.

"Miiiccc," Hun groaned unhappily, already missing his warm, cuddly human consort.

"I know we're married to them now, but I didn't think they'd actually be interested in, you know, _that _kind of stuff," Mic grumbled. "I can understand you liking the older brother - he's polite and respectful, at least. That's why I agreed to claim Victor instead."

"You liiiiiikkkke him," said the darker twin, throwing his brother a knowing smirk.

Mic's cheeks turned darkened as he struggled to find the words to argue against his other half's accusation. "I do NOT like him. He was rude and disrespectful as a child, and he hasn't changed one bit now that he's a man." A tall, broad-chested man with smoldering dark eyes, lean hips, and a little gap between his teeth. None of that made a difference to the skeleton god.

"Vaaaaaalll is hannnndsoooommmee and sooofffftttt," Hun sighed, hoping his consort would visit him soon. Valentino was the perfect bride, but Hun knew that Victor and Mic were equally stubborn, so it would take them some time to get close to each other. Mic couldn't run away from his own consort forever.

* * *

Note: mi hermano = my brother (if my translation is correct)

Personal headcannon: I think Chata is likely the reincarnation of Chalchiuhtlicue - Aztec Goddess of Lakes, Streams, and Oceans. She is known for having control over water (as seen in the Hurricane Chata episode), including the ability to bring forth whirlpools and storms. It would make sense that her grandson's would find themselves in all sorts of trouble. (There's also the possibility that they're descended from Chalchiuhtlicue, so they have some godly abilities that got passed down the bloodline)


End file.
